I look strong but feel weak

Carry on.

So maceio..never made it...totally breaks my heart to write that.

I experienced something on my mission that really was remarkable and life changing. I learned to love more fully, to listen without judgement, and understand what matters in life.
It is so simple. All that matters is we love, love, love, and love. We love Christ and represent him. We love human beings, unconditionally because like us, at least me, no one is perfect.
Todos pessos fazem erros. All people make errors. Every person has their own set of trails and struggles. Life is hard and I am pretty sure it keeps getting harder. But we keep moving on because what else can we do, lie down and die? Nah. Life is hard but it is also wonderful. It is full of love, happiness, and peace.

Each of us are on a spiritual journey trying to figure out where and who we need to be.

I think most importantly I have learned to be everyone's biggest fans. I am on the sidelines cheering for every person I pass because I know that every person is going through or has gone through something hard. I think that is Christ too. He is cheering for each of us, for me.

I love the Taylor Swift Song "I was enchanted to meet you." Because I feel that way. Every person I have met has touched me. Each person has something amazing to give. Every one has a strong of faith and struggles, happiness and pain, fear and pure joy.

Right now I am so afraid of life. I am scared to be broken. I am scared to be a disappointment.

All throughout my mission that song "Who am I ?'" from Les Miserables ran through my mind...
Who am I? Who am I?
Who do I want to be and who am I trying to become.
I want to be someone who is kind, thoughtful, and selfless. Those are not things that come easy to me.

I am often fearful and faithless. I have a heart full of desire. It is just hard to make it into action.

Coming home from my mission has been confusing and hard. I look at other sister missionaries and cry because I miss it. It is so hard to think I am even here now, my life practically is all a dream.

It is hard because it is so easy to see my mission slipping away. I am back in the world almost again back to my same ways and I DO NOT want that.

I want my life to be centered on Christ, the only stable thing in my life.

I often think...Could I have just done it? Could I have worked harder? Pushed more? Is God mad? Where is my direction?

Do I think God has stopped loving me? No.

I am stilling trying to figure it out, but I feel like I have distanced myself because of fear of rejection from God. Does the God I know reject? No.

It is hard because I know all the answers but I am still trying to figure out how to put those answers in to action.

This is what I do know: Don't set your own limitations because of fear or lack of faith.

Where do I go from here??
Nao Sei. Mais even though I look strong I am weak. Carry on for now. It gets better I think :)
my new favorite insta: Jesussavesbro

sad to see this go...I miss being there.

xoxo